A Rose That Keeps Growing: A Letter To My Mother

When I was seventeen, I lost my father. He died from cancer. Before he passed, I would’ve considered him my best friend. I was the youngest in my family and grew up around some really dynamic personalities. But my dad’s personality was the most unique. And I loved it. He used to take me everywhere with him. I remember being in cigar shops with him as a young kid and sitting at the donut shop with him and his friends while they talked about life. He was and still is my guy. 

When he left, I felt like a friend had left me. My sister and brother were in college at the time, and they were away. Now I was at the house by myself. No, I wasn’t. I was with my mother.

I think about this a lot now. After he passed, I felt like I was alone, and I didn’t have anyone. I was so close to my father that I never really got a chance to get to know my mother. Now, we are here, just us. I’ve got to get to know you. And she has to get to know me. At first, it wasn’t pretty, if you can imagine. We fought often. At that time, I was still learning who I was through all this.   I would drift off into my own space a lot. I spent a lot of time away from home. I found new friends and did new things. She didn’t approve of a lot. Like my father, when she felt I was getting too close to a fire, she grabbed me by my collar and yanked me back.  

Now, we are two people who live with each other daily, realizing that we are growing in a new space. I’m becoming a man, and she is becoming the leader. That space was scary. I was scared. When I was scared before, I always knew my dad would step in and take that fear away. I didn’t know who would do that. I was glad my mother was there. 

Over these last few decades, I’ve had the chance to get to know my mother. The person I knew before this, I saw just as the person who yelled at me for doing something my father would encourage me to do. I’ve come to learn that she is way more than that. 

I’ve learned that she is a pillar that holds up not just my family but many families. I found that she is fearless and bold, that her trust in God is real, that she is loving and protective, and that she is pretty funny. I would consider her now one of my best friends. 

Earlier this year, I had the chance to be with her while she went through major surgery. During that time, I met a new version of her. One that is vulnerable. One that is open to learning new things while still holding on to what they feel is true. I’m meeting a person admired by many, yet remains as humble as anyone could be. 

While I still miss my father every day and feel like I’m missing a friend, I found another one. My mom went from someone I had to get to know to someone I’m proud to say I know. I say “Happy Mother’s Day” to my mother. If this were a letter, I could hear her saying, “Your penmanship has gotten a lot better.” She stays with the jokes. I love you, Mama. It’s 11:37 PM EST, and I just read this to her. She loved it. 

Love on your mother today if you can.